contract killers need love too.

I've always made bad decisions when it comes to men, and like many women out there, I am desperately attracted to guys who are completely unavailable and who enjoy torturing me emotionally. But as if that isn't fun enough, and utterly stupid of me to put up with, lately I find myself being attracted to the ones that just aren't quite right.

I'm almost positive that in a few years time, I will see one particular guy I dated on the news for being found out as the serial killer I'm so sure he is.

It's a funny thing though, I can be sitting in a room with fifty normal men, and have this uncanny ability to attract the one who has some weird fetish for urine or human sacrifice. Or gas masks (ugh). And let me tell you, when they say "It's always the quiet ones".   It is.

Ever since I first started noticing the opposite sex, I would always be drawn to the socially awkward one of the group, or the one wearing a black trench coat, who most probably has a police record and who has a shared fascination with knives and guns (which basically describes most of the high school massacre shooters. Well done me), or the one known as, "the quiet one".

Seriously though, is it just me, or is there just something really sexy about a man in a trench coat with a face sporting pure evil? Probably just me....

So, go figure that my ideal husband would be a drug lord, or a mob boss, or an arms dealer, or a hit man, or Satan. I'm really not fussy.

A banker on the other hand? No. No no no no no no. They're so boring and predictable, and usually extremely against a career change into contract killing.  

Now, I don't know quite exactly understand what it is that lures me to such dark human beings, and to be honest, I don't really care. The way I see it is, even the cruelest of men need to be loved. Doesn't a drug lord, after a day of maiming, killing, and addicting small children to meth, need love too? Yes, they do.  And why shouldn't I be the one to give it to them? I could be his heroine. His loooove heroine.

And besides, It's not like I haven't tried to be with the 'normal' ones. I have, but their lack of understanding, and utter confusion to my inadvertent blood lust, love for weaponry, and my total indifference to human suffering, really tends to put a wall between us. And even though I try so very hard to hold in ALL that crazy for the entirety of the relationship, it will, without fail, end in me having a psychotic breakdown after about two months. But hey, I tried right?

I have come to accept that 'normal' and I will never work. But that's okay. My Prince of Darkness is out there for me. Somewhere.