I have evil insomnia pills.

They look something like this:

These pills are horrid.

They keep me awake and make me draw stupid pictures and write poems about circumcision, and watch stupid movies about a woman getting raped by a ghost that was made in 1981. (It's apparently a true story.  Really, Lady? Ghost rape??)

Apart from making me feel as if I've eaten excessive amounts of metal, There are a whole heap of other fun side effects I have to deal with.

Basically, they make me feel like I want to die. All the time.  If I'm not feeling sick from my illness, I am feeling sick from the drugs. I think this is an unfair trade for wellness. Especially when the drugs are failing to fix my insides. But It's not like anything will change if they DO fix me. I'll be on these forever. 

So I like to sleep. It makes all the horrible time I feel like killing myself, and/or others, just float away while I dream of fairies and puppies and warm chocolate brownies with melty ice-cream.

..............But no. 

My nights look something like this: 

And to make it worse, It's like this every night. So my day time, night time and afternoon time, are spent walking around like a zombie on heroine, spilling drinks on myself, mostly of the boiling water variety, and dropping things that shatter and go into my foot. Or neck. Or arms. Or eyeballs. What I'm trying to say is that there's blood spurting from my body at least once a day. 

Then yesterday I started two new medications. I don't know what all the side effects are yet, I guess I'll find out after a few more days, but on one of the packs it says (on its own special fluorescent green sticker which reads: AVOID EXCESSIVE  SKIN EXPOSURE TO SUNLIGHT AND SUNLAMPS WHILE BEING TRATED WITH THIS MEDICINE.  Oh good. 

What will happen to me? will I turn to ash?

Will I catch on fire?

Or will I just have no immunity to the suns rays and turn red like a lobster?

Sure, I could look up the reasons why I can't go out in the sun, but that will take all the fun out of finding out on my own. (FYI, I have my money on the lobster one). But here's the thing, it says "while I'm being treated by this medication". Um, yeaaah, the duration I'll be on this medication is only the rest of my life. I can see it now, "Hey Justine, do you want to go to the beach?" "Oh, no, sorry, I might catch on fire or turn into a pile of ash. Thanks though, you have fun!" 

And if that's not bad enough, there's another sticker next to the green one. This one's red.  It says: This medication may affect mental alertness and/or coordination. If affected, do not drive a motor vehicle or operate machinery. Brilliant. Because I don't have enough problems with mental alertness and coordination from lack of sleep as it is. Basically, I just shouldn't be awake and vertical at any point.